You found a way to come see me; whether you fixed your car or borrowed one, it didn’t matter to me when I saw you finally pull into my driveway. I was nervous, but I walked up to you first anyway, in true fear of my mom poking her head out the door or window and talking to you and thinking my first moments with you.
You stepped out of the car and had this smile on your face, one that matched mine. We were inches apart now, and I went up to you immediately, threw my arms around you, and you wrapped your arms around me, and you just held me there for a few moments. I didn’t want you to let go, because for the the first time, I was breathing like normal. My body wasn’t tense, I wasn’t shaking, the anxiety was gone; and I wanted to cherish that moment for as long as I could.
Eventually we let go, looking at each other, face to face, both eager for that first kiss, but I didn’t want it to be in front of my house, because you know, people were definitely peaking through the window, wanting to meet this person I’ve been talking about so much.
I ask if you want to take a walk, your say yes, so I head you down the trail, passed the other trailers and into the woods. Not even 10 seconds in to the walk, I start nervous rambling. Telling you how much I appreciate that you drove all the way here, and that if I could help with gas, or buy you food, anything, because I didn’t feel as though you should have spent any time or money on me.
You told me it’s fine, you told me it was worth every penny and moment it took to get here. You told me that you just wanted to see me. I go “Yeah, but, what if it’s not worth it? What if I’m not worth it? What if i fuck this up like I do everything else and destroy it all and you regret every meeting me?”
I kept talking, of course, because I don’t know when to shut up. You grabbed my hand, and pulled me closer to you.
You looked me in the eye and said “I said, every moment, every penny, was worth it. Even if I only have you for a few moments.”
I smiled, but still nervous that I was going to yet again, take this beautiful butterfly and rip off their wings like I do with everybody who gets close to me. My thoughts were going crazy, and I was picturing the worst possible case scenario of this entire situation on repeat.
You could see my mind working, over working, I should say. You took a step closer to me, I could feel your breath on my lips. Your eyes weren’t closed yet, like you wanted to take in every moment before you kissed me. You placed your hand on my throat, delicately of course, and the other around my waist, and pulled me that last inch that was the air dividing us.
The kiss was soft, gentle, almost a kiss that said “It’s okay babygirl, I’m here and I’m not going anywhere”.
I believed the words that your kiss told me. So, I kissed back, I grabbed your hand that was on my throat and pressed it down harder, turning the gentle, soft kiss, into something a bit more…passionate.
From there, I ended up against a tree, your hand around my throat, the other pushing me harder into the tree and closer to you at the same time.
For those few moments in the woods, tike slipped away and I finally stopped overthinking everything and just…enjoyed the moment.
We stopped, looked at each other in the eyes, breathing heavy and knowing neither of us wanted to stop, but neither of us really was about to go any further…just yet. You grabbed my hand, and we continued walking down the dirt path past the trees.