Written by: Katherine Acies Estelle
This short story will be one of many being published in our first ever book “Real World, Real Words“. A book consisting of uncensored poetry by aspiring new authors from around the world, with a voice that deserves to be heard. Real life problems, real life dilemmas, and real life trauma. I hope you enjoy our first short story.
(Formatting will be changed when published in print)
Prologue:
Reality can be a bit confusing. Sometimes dreams are more fun, but other times, dreams can turn into nightmares, and you wish you could just wake up. But don’t you wish you could turn your daydreams into a reality sometimes? Just leave real life and dream in the middle of the day? I would love to just escape life for a little while. To dream on command, whenever I want to. I would need to have full control over my dreams though, or else they could get mixed into reality. Then, I wouldn’t know the difference. Then, those so called “dreams” can seem like nightmares, no matter what the dreams were about.
Real life would no longer exist, and your dreams would collide with your memories. Nothing would be real anymore, and if it were real, you wouldn’t know the difference.
Imagine driving down the road and seeing a building explode in front of you. You would be terrified, right? Shocked maybe? Empathetic even? What if it didn’t really happen? What if you thought it was a dream? What if you didn’t remember waking up that morning? Would you ignore it, maybe go on with your day? Would you stop you vehicle, get out of the car, and try to help? What if it was your home that had exploded? Would that change how you viewed the situation? What if you didn’t know if it really happened or not? What if you had to ask yourself if something was real, during every moment of every day?
Well, that is just my reality now. Or is it my dream?
Chapter 1
I woke up to my alarm clock ringing in my ears. I bolted up so fast, I became lightheaded. My eyes haven’t even opened yet, and already it feels like I was going to fall over, right back down to my pillow. Which would have been nice if I didn’t have stuff to do today. I opened my eyes, I squinted. It took me a few seconds to adjust to the light from my windows. I must have forgotten to close the curtains before I fell asleep last night. I stood up and glanced in the mirror, immediately my heart came to a sudden halt. For a brief moment, I thought I must have still been dreaming. I wake up during my dreams all the time, literally in the middle of one. I would be having an intense dream, but then it would switch to real life. Whether I wake up in my room, on a couch, on a park bench, I’ve thought I was awake many times, but I always black out after and wake up in my bed, so I know it was just a dream. I never understood why my dreams would switch to reality and then bounce back, like my dreams were taking a break and my mind would wander back to the things I was familiar with. But this time was different, this felt too real to be a dream. Too weird.
I got up from the bed and moved closer to the mirror. I was so surprised to see what I saw in front of me. It was my own reflection, yet it wasn’t. My hair was jet black and down to my waist. I stepped a little bit closer to my mirror to notice that my eyes were a neon green color, as if I were wearing contacts. Around them, there was worn off makeup. What’s happening to me? There was a smudge of black eye liner on the corner of my eye, almost in my hair. I didn’t wear makeup to bed, I haven’t worn makeup since my stepmothers wedding 4 months ago. My hair was black in high school, but that was just rebellion. I’ve had my natural red hair for almost a year now. It was like I stepped back into my high school years, something I would hope I never had to experience again. There is no way this is real life; I have to wake myself up.
I gaze down at my body, already realizing that I was not wearing what I wore to bed last night. I had on a little black dress, ripped at the upper front of it, almost revealing my cleavage. It was like I had gotten into a fight or something. When did I leave the house? This really was a dream. I was covered in dirt; it was on my arms and my neck. My dress was torn up everywhere, pieces of it were missing and there were holes like someone tugged at it too hard. I notice that one of the straps of my dress was longer than the other one, like someone had pulled on that also. Why did somebody attack me? I saw no blood, no bruises, but how could I have done this to myself?
I had no memory of how I got into this; I closed my eyes and turned around. I always remember my dreams, especially if they were as lucid as they are right now. As I turned toward my bed, I saw myself there sleeping, right in the flesh. I knew this was a dream, this had to be a dream. I didn’t understand what was happening. How could I be in two places at once? I’ve never seen myself in a dream before. I have reached a new level of lucid dreaming; I have jumped right into astral projection.
I closed my eyes, hoping that the other me would then disappear. Hoping that somehow, I would wake up from this strange dream. But I didn’t disappear at all. I was lying there, staring myself right in the face. I took a step closer to the bed. I lifted up my arm from my side and placed it in front of me. I was about an inch from my other self. My fingers ran through my hair, or her hair…whoever she was…it couldn’t be me, could it? I’m right here, not there.I kept thinking the most impossible thoughts. I kept forcing myself to make sense of this, but I felt hopeless.
It felt as though I was having a night terror and couldn’t wake myself up. You know those drugs they give you when you get surgery or a c-section? You’re awake the entire time, but you can’t move anything. That is exactly how I felt right now; I could feel everything so deeply in my mind, yet I could not actually understand a second of it. I had no control of the events that were unraveling.
I used to have night terrors all the time as a child. I would completely lose control. My mother would come into my room and say I was screaming so loud that it sounded like I was dying. She always told me that I believed what I had dreamt was real. One time I was downstairs in the kitchen, knife in my hand, screaming at nothing. I kept shouting, like I was trying to get someone away from me. She didn’t know what to do with me, she said she was afraid that one day, I would hurt myself. She tried taking the knife away from me to keep me safe, but my grip was too strong. She always tried to snap me out of it, to wake me up and help me back to bed. But nothing woke me up until the night terror ended. I would end up fainting after they were over. Once, it happened every night for a week. I was always screaming about different things. Sometimes it was about simple things, such as homework or something else stupid and irrelevant. But other times it was more serious. I thought there were robbers in the house, and I saw strange men breaking in. When really there was nothing there, ever. It was all my imagination. I had no control over my dreams, so I couldn’t stop it.
I saw a therapist from then on, as though that was going to help me in any way. My mom was so worried about me. I went to see my therapist four days a week for one hour. I talked about my friends and my family, but by that time, I had no friends left. So, I guess I talked more about my past than my present and worried more about my future then my now. Word had gotten out around school that I was crazy and seeing a therapist. Everybody thought I was weird, and I was only in third grade at the time. I was quiet, twitchy, and I talked to myself sometimes. I needed to say things out loud in order to know they were real and not just my imagination.
I assumed everyone talked to themselves, sometimes. I thought it was normal. However, sometimes, I was not just talking to myself. I saw shadows sometimes, and sometimes they were in the form of people. I could never fully understand what they were saying out loud, it was more like a really intense feeling of sadness or regret. That feeling you get when you did something really bad and knew that you would regret it forever, when you knew that it would haunt you forever. Never ending trauma that would always sit quietly in the back of your mind, until it wasn’t quiet anymore. That is how the shadows made me feel, that is how they felt. I would feel like that too if I had died with unfished business. How else could someone end up as a shadow?
Kids were cruel though. They had no idea what was really happening, yet they judged me from rumors. Everyone around me was making up something different. Not one person asked me what was wrong when I started crying during class, no teacher seemed concerned that I spent more time in the bathroom and wandering the halls than actually in class. Nobody wanted to help me, they just wanted to question me. They wanted something to obsess over and make fun of.
I hated myself sometimes, too. I hated not knowing what was really happening around me. I turned back around to see my reflection in the mirror again. This time, it was actually me. I stood there with my shoulder length red hair and leopard nightgown. I looked at myself more closely; my eyes were blue-green, as they should be. I smiled. I knew it was a dream, I felt more awake now and much less confused.
I walked over to my closet and searched through my shirts. First day of college, I thought to myself, what would be good for the first day of college? I want to look mature, but comfortable. I want to look nice and well put together, but not fake, like I’m trying too hard. I picked a black v-neck tee. It was simple, but pretty. Not too preppy and not too goth. I then found a pair of dark blue skinny jeans. There was a hole in the left leg, purposely of course. I slipped off my nightgown and put on my clothes and then my favorite pair of shoes. They were my black and white Chuck Taylor Converse. I wore them every day no matter what. I only own one pair of shoes, with the exception of my one pair of heels that I only use on special occasions. I even wore my Converse to the beach once, that’s how much I loved them. Although, they did get really sandy and took me two weeks to clean it off. Plus, I hated my feet, especially my toes. So, I never wore open-toed shoes or anything that revealed my feet. I threw on a silver chained necklace that had a hot pink star in the middle of it, to add some color to my outfit. I also added a blue beaded bracelet I got for my birthday.
The smell of bacon and eggs had me running down the stairs. I turn the corner and gaze into the kitchen. My mother was sitting down eating breakfast and reading a magazine. When I looked on the stove to see how much bacon was left, I noticed there was neither bacon nor eggs. I then looked at my mothers’ plate, no bacon or eggs there either. She was eating a piece of toast. Confused, I sat down next to her and just stared at her.
“Hungry?” she asked me, “There’s some more toast in the toaster if you want some. We haven’t had the chance to go grocery shopping yet”. She picked up her plate and walked into the living room. I guess toast is fine, but I would have preferred bacon…
Not even two minutes later, I heard the door open then close. She had left for work already. I looked at the clock, 8:45. That’s an hour before she even had to be there. This was weird because she worked not even ten minutes away. Maybe she left early to go grocery shopping? She didn’t even say bye.
I shook my head and grabbed the piece of toast, then went outside to wait for the campus bus. My mother used to never trust me to walk outside alone, she said it wasn’t safe, no matter how old I got. I beg to differ. “Television and reality are two different things” I always told my mom. And she always had the same response, “It’s only because I love you.” It’s like she thinks I’m in high school all over again, like I’m small and can’t take care of myself. Like I need help with the concept of reality, but I feel so much better than I ever had. Minus a few weird dreams every now and again, I’ve been in a much better place than I used to be. Plus, my life hasn’t felt like a movie in a while.
She said it wasn’t the TV shows and movies she watched on Lifetime or any other family channel. Yet she had this irrational fear that I was going to get kidnapped one day and she would never see me again. Imagining me getting hidden away for days or months by some creep who kept me in his basement and fed me table scraps. She obviously watches too much television in her spare time.
Finally, after what felt like an hour, I saw the bus in the distance and looked at my watch, 9:04. Close enough, I guess. I shouldn’t be too late. It stopped directly in front of me, and the door opened. The wind blew my hair back as I took my first step onto the bus, to go to college for the first time, to make all new friends, and take all new classes with new professors. I sat in the first seat available in the front, not paying attention to the 20 something students squished together behind me, most with three in a seat. Guess this college only consists of people in my same town, I guess I will be seeing these people at the grocery store and library, too.
They all talked amongst themselves, and it sounded like there were a million conversations going on all at once. I wish I brought my headphones or earplugs or something. I closed my eyes and start to imagine that I was somewhere else right now.
I imagined that I was on my old bus. I always sat in the far back with the other high school students, and we laughed and listened to music and watched all the younger students in front of us just sit there whispering to each other about how crazy we were. If only they knew that they would be doing the same thing in just a few years. I don’t even think I knew these students name, we were bus friends. We had no classes together, never saw each other in the hallway, but we acted like we were friends on the bus. Mainly because we were the only seniors on the bus, so that automatically made us more fun and mature than the other kids on the bus. Which for some reason, gave us the right to make fun of the younger kids for pretty much just being younger than us.
Right as I start to relax, the bus stopped. I had reached the campus. Here goes nothing, I thought…
Chapter 2
I stood there at the bus stop for a brief moment and just stared at the college campus. There were about 6 separate stone buildings, with a small park in the middle of it. It had benches and flowers, and students were scattered around the lawn in small groups. They were laying on blankets and reading books, sitting under trees and writing in journals. Some people were on their phones and not paying attention to where they were walking. It didn’t look horrible, really.
My first thought was that I was going to hate this. I didn’t know anybody, and I didn’t want to know anybody. They were all going to think I’m weird or too different and they won’t understand me. But my second thought was that this was a new start. A way for me to make friends and start a new life, without the drama and the trauma that I was used too. Maybe this can be a new beginning and I wouldn’t hate life, maybe I will actually make it through college without something outrageous happening to me.
“Owe” I said, as I stumbled into somebody who was walking towards me. “I am so sor–” I started to say. I look up to see who I was talking too and make eye contact while trying to finish my sentence, but was immediately hypnotized by beautiful, breath taking eyes. They were this deep brown color, but with a mysterious black tint. The kind of eyes that you could lose yourself in. I couldn’t explain it.
“Um, I was just…uh,” I felt like an idiot. I couldn’t put together a sentence in front of this person. I was still staring at their eyes…then I worked my way down. They had gorgeous full lips. I think they were saying something, because their lips were moving, but I couldn’t seem to get myself out of their trance long enough to actually listen. I shook my head and looked the other way, acting like I was interested in something else.
“Are you ok?” they asked. Even their voice pulled me in. It was deep and sort of raspy, they sounded older than they looked but there was something about their voice that felt familiar. They just looked at me, wide eyed and curious. I think they could tell I was completely lost. What a great start to my first day of college, it was just like the first day of high school all over again.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just wasn’t watching where I was going.” I finally got myself to say something useful.
“Are you new here?” they asked. Like it was obvious, but isn’t everyone new here at some point? Unless I look older than I really am, and they were wondering if I transferred in or something. My mind won’t stop racing, I can’t focus on this conversation and the embarrassment is going to kill me.
“Yeah um, I just moved here, big difference that’s for sure.”
“Yeah, this college is great. The freedom is ridiculous, it isn’t like other schools. We have structure, of course. They let you pick your classes and your professors though, which is nice because then you can weed out the strict professors and get more lax ones. It’s pretty cool, very chill.” They smiled at me, like they were eager on my response.
It did sound kind of cool, I always ended up with the crazy professors who call on you the second you looked like you were dozing off. I only ever had one teacher that I really liked, and she was more weird than educational. She taught in her own way, she said that as long as we follow the curriculum, she can do anything she wants, and the school board doesn’t bother her.
I smiled at them; this college doesn’t seem as intimidating anymore. “Wow, really? Yeah, that doesn’t sound like any school I’ve been too.”
“Yeah, have you picked out your schedule yet? I can show you where you can change up your classes if you want. Let you know which professors to avoid.”
“Yeah, they sent one in the mail a few weeks ago. I wouldn’t mind changing out some classes.” I kept my smile and we just stood there in silence for a moment.
They looked at me with the same smile that I had and then asked me, “Want me to show you right now?” I nodded my head yes, and we started to walk.
I don’t know why, but I wanted this person in my corner. I wanted them to accept me. I felt like if they accepted me, and I could gain their trust, if I could just stand out from the other students, maybe people would think I’m worthy enough to be friends with. I never had a popular friend before; I was always so anti-social. I wanted to stay next to them. I wanted to spend more time with them and make all the other students question us as I walk by them in the hallways. Showing them how cool I could be, showing them that I wasn’t too different and that I wasn’t weird. I tried to not smile like an idiot the entire time, I tried to just act cool like it didn’t mean much at all, when really, I was so nervous, and my face felt like it was on fire.
We headed towards what looked like the entrance of the school. I look around hoping somebody was watching. It looked like nobody cared. It kind of looked like they were hypnotized by their own thoughts. Nobody was laughing, nobody even had a smile on their face. They seemed almost zoned out, each student was looking in front of them and not saying a word. We walked by a few students who were standing by their lockers, hypnotized by what was inside of them.
Today felt weird, it must be first day of college nerves. Glad I’m not the only one. Some students were walking towards the school, ignoring everyone in their path. The students just moved out of their way, not at all concerned with anything. Everyone kind of seemed really out of it today.
When we got past the first set of lockers, I noticed a bunch of glass shelves on either side of the hallway. I looked at all the trophies and awards that covered the walls from top to bottom. They were for football, baseball, softball, they even had one for chess club. From the looks of it, they had a lot of clubs. They had a video game club, a pride club, cheerleading club, and a mental health awareness club. This school sounds so free, so open. Maybe students here would be free and open too, less judgmental and less rude when they don’t understand something.
I noticed the students gathered by this one set of lockers. The girls were wearing heels and oversized sweaters, their hair was down and looked like they just got it done at a salon before coming here. They had a full face of makeup on, and they were all re-applying their lipstick in their locker mirrors. Even while doing their makeup, they showed no other expression. Like they were either really focused on doing their makeup, or they were thinking about something really serious.
I started to notice that I didn’t see anybody who let their natural beauty show. There was too much makeup on everyone and even the guys seemed to dress to impress. I really stood out in this school. I didn’t think I would, I chose the most casual outfit to wear. I shouldn’t have worn this bright colored jewelry; I shouldn’t have such a tight shirt on. I almost wanted to take off my necklace and my bracelet and adapt to the people here. They seemed cheap compared to what the other students were wearing, I saw diamonds and girls wearing a different shiny ring on each finger. I don’t want to be different this time. I wanted to look casual so I wouldn’t stand out, I dressed for college, not a fashion show.
We stopped in the middle of the hallway, and I noticed that we were at the office.
“Just go in there and ask for Missy, tell her you want to switch some of your classes up before the start of the term. Shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes or so. I can wait out here if you’d like and walk you to your first class.” They smiled at me while opening the office door.
I walked in and the lady at the main desk pointed to the chairs in the corner, she was on the phone and probably didn’t want to be disturbed. I hope this doesn’t take too long; I don’t want to be late for whichever class I was going to have first.
“Yes?” the lady at the front desk waved her hand at me and I walked over.
“I need to speak with Missy, I wanted to change some classes around before the start of the term.” She pressed a button on her phone, and I heard a loud beep.
“Can I help you?” A tall, thin blonde women with enormous boobs opened the door. Guess this was Missy. Makes me wonder how many students come in here to fix their schedules…
“Yeah, I wanted to change up a few of my classes.”
“Sure, come on in. I’ll show you what’s available and we can switch it up in a jiffy.” Her smile was huge, and her teeth were super white.
She helped me pick out some classes based on my strengths, instead of my weakness’s. I actually wanted to pass everything, not struggle to get a C. It only took about 3 minutes to get through everything, just in time to get walked to class by pretty much the most charming student here. I opened the office door to see them standing in the same spot I left them in.
“All set with everything?” they asked me.
“Yeah, I got some good classes. Still want to walk me?”
Suddenly, everyone started heading into rooms and going to class. So much for the walk to class, I didn’t even get a full tour. Maybe I should have left my classes alone, then I would have had more time to enjoy the college tour from my personal tour guide.
“Ah man, sorry, I don’t want to be late. I didn’t realize what time it was!” They actually looked disappointed.
“Wait!” I yelled, as the gorgeous brown eyed dream was turning around and heading off to their class. They stopped mid step and turned back around. “What is your name?” I asked.
They smiled at me and quietly replied “Call me T.” and then they were gone. They turned into the classroom, and I was left alone in the hallway. I took a look at my binder to see which class I had first, looks like my classroom was right down the hall. Room 209. Thankfully, I wouldn’t be too late for class.
I looked down at my schedule again to see what I was getting myself into so early in the morning and noticed that Math was first. Not excited at all, I suck at math. I chose a more generalized math class, nothing crazy like geometry. I still hate math though. I can’t wait to get done with my general education classes so I can move on to the good stuff and pick out my degree choice.
I passed rooms 202, 203, 204, 205, 206, 207, 208.
“Ouch!” I yelled, putting my hands over my face.
I look up to notice that I had hit a locker head on, and of course, the owner of that locker just had to be T. What are they doing out of class? It literally just started; maybe they forgot a book or something. I looked up at them and smiled, hoping they would forgive me and forget watching me ram into that locker. I felt so embarrassed. I just wanted to pull a magical pillow out of my bag, hide my face in it, and run away. I wished this day would end as soon as possible. First day of school jitters are getting to me more than normal.
They smiled back at me and said, “It’s okay” while grabbing a book out of their locker and shoving it into their backpack.
I got butterflies with every word. Their lips were so luscious and pink.
“Do you need assistance or something? Why are you not in class? Skipping on your first day, huh?” They closed their locker and just stared at me. “I just remembered that you have my name, and I don’t have yours.”
“Selena…my name is Selena.”
“Oh alright, so what’s your first class?”
“Algebra 1, do you know where room 209 is?”
“Yeah, it’s right down this hallway. See where that water fountain is?”
I looked over to see a line of kids waiting for the water fountain because one kid in the front was hogging it. I noticed kids getting aggravated and they started to leave.
“Yeah, I see it” I replied.
“Okay well it’s right next to it. Want me to walk you there?”
I giggled and said, “Yes please”. Acting like I didn’t know where it was, I felt kind of stupid, but it got me more time with T, so I guess it’s worth playing dumb for a few minutes. It is my first time ever in this school, I may not find everything right away anyway.
We barley walked 10 steps toward the fountain. They silently waved at me and then headed into a classroom 2 doors down from mine. I then looked at the door next to me; it was my class. I peered inside before going in, there was not one student inside. I walked in and took a seat in the back. Weird, this was supposed to have started a few minutes ago. Am I in the wrong class? Did I mix up my schedule?
Before I could grab my schedule and check my classes, people walked in and took their seats. One by one they sat down and started taking out books and opening them. I hated being the new kid. I was feeling so lost, feeling like everybody was all set to go and I was just a failure. Finally, the teacher walked in. The room fell silent. The students stared in her direction, their eyes followed her every movement, as if under her spell.
I pictured all the kids in my old school, and the old teachers, and the old classrooms, and I pictured me sitting next to them. My long, red hair, just slightly touching my desk, along with all the carvings and drawings I once did. Class could get extremely boring. I carved “Selena Farve” in my desk when I first arrived. People knew that my seat should never be touched. I think they were too afraid to touch it anyway. And just like that, I felt as if I was back at my old school. I felt at peace again. I felt…safe in my loneliness.
Then a cold shiver ran up my spine, interrupting my peace. I opened my eyes to see total darkness. I swear I saw a shadow moving throughout the room, or at least I could hear the wind from someone running. Was that real? Was that a real shadow or one of the shadows that I conjure up in my head? Were they trying to reach me?
I waited for a few seconds, hoping the shadow would speak to me if they needed help, hoping somebody would pull an alarm, or go on the intercom and let us know what had happened. I assumed maybe the power went out, it was a bit windy today. But there was just silence, as if nobody was there anymore. I got up and started feeling my way around the room. I passed four desks, and then I hit the professor’s desk.
“Hello? Can somebody turn the lights on?” I whispered, hoping somebody was nearby. But I got no answer. So, I said it again louder, “Hello!? Somebody please! This isn’t funny! Turn the lights back on!” I stopped and waited there. Nobody was talking. As a matter of fact, I could hear nothing but the clock ticking.
The lights turned back on as I started walking back through the door. I quickly ran out into the hallway, hoping to find someone who could explain what had happened. Nobody. I bolted back into the classroom. Nobody was there either. Once again, all I heard was the clock, but I then noticed that the clock wasn’t moving. Not even a little bit. My heart stopped that very second. But at the same time, it was beating uncontrollably. My body was trying to figure out what I was feeling or what I should feel.
It wasn’t just a slow clock; the clock was at a halt. In addition to that, the time was wrong. It said it was 12 o’clock. I then walked over to the next classroom to see if maybe the clock was like that the whole time. It said the same thing. 12:00.
I walked down the hallway a bit. If it wasn’t the clock ticking, then it must have been something else. I was determined to find out. It was such a faint ticking. Maybe I am hearing things again, maybe it’s happening all over again.
As I walked to the exit of the school, the ticking got louder – step by step. I heard it get louder at the next door. It sounds like it’s coming from the door in front of me. My hand was on the door, getting ready to push it open. The ticking felt so close now. I looked to my right, it sounded like it was coming from the janitor’s closet. Behind me, the coast was still clear. I tried opening the door. Locked. I placed my ear on the door. The sound was so clear, like I was holding the ticking object in my hand. I needed to unlock this door. I felt my heart trembling like a thousand gazelles running through a field. I had a very bad feeling about this.
My first instinct was to run, but my body was as still as a stone. All I could think of doing was kicking the door in as hard as I could. So, I took a deep breath and kicked so hard I could almost feel the bones in my legs overlap each other. There was a small crack near the door handle, so I kicked it again. I kicked again and again until the door caved in. I then just stood there as if I was glued to the floor.
I couldn’t even believe it. This must be some sick joke that this college plays on freshman, but why was I the only freshman getting pranked? How did everybody leave the building so quickly? I stare into the janitors closet once again, looking down and wondering why I haven’t run away yet. The ticking was getting faster, and then it started to blink red. There was a clock, and the time was running in reverse. The clock had a yellow wire that looks like it was attached to some kind of messy, homemade looking mechanism.
I felt like I was in some movie, some crazy action movie where somebody crazy plants a bomb in a school and when it goes off, they walk away from it with the explosion in the background. I can’t believe there is a bomb in my college building.
I don’t even know why I am hesitating on leaving, it’s not like I can turn it off. I instantly turned around and ran out the door of the building. I stumbled on my own feet and collapsed to the ground, right onto the pavement. Just like I would if I were in a movie. Knowing I had no time to get up and run, I placed my hands over my ears and ducked down onto the ground. This is how I am going to die; I am going to get blown up on my first day of school.
The whole ground shuddered, and I swear the pavement cracked beneath me. I got up and turned around. I can’t even believe I didn’t die, the bomb only blew up the school and didn’t even touch the parking lot. The site was unbearable. Pieces of the school were shattered all over campus. I could taste the ashes from the building on my tongue. I could feel the burning of my nose as I inhaled the black smoke. Smoke and flames overwhelmed my lungs, and I began coughing. The shock of the shattered school was too much for me. I feel like I can’t even breathe.
Then, with nothing else to do and nothing else on my mind, I just staggered home. I just didn’t want to be here anymore. I just wanted to pretend like nothing ever happened. My knees stung; the skin was peeled right off. Blood dripped down my leg, and onto my sneakers. By the time I reached my road, the white of my converse was a deep brown color from the blood. I headed down my driveway, and into my house. I couldn’t get myself to actually believe what had just happened.
CHAPTER 3
It took over a half an hour to get home; I ran the whole time. Legs tired, body exhausted. As soon as I opened my door, I could sense something was wrong. I didn’t know what, but I knew it was something horrendous. What could possibly happen that was weirder than my school blowing up? My hands suddenly curled into fists. I took a few deep breaths, knowing that after today, anything could happen. I started walking into the living room. The TV was on, but nobody was watching it. It was the same in every room; things were on, but nobody was there to use any of it. I shut off the TV, the stove, the radio, and even the electric toothbrush in the bathroom. Why would all of these things be on? Somebody had to have been here. It felt like all day I was just being pranked.
The sound of glass breaking suddenly caught my attention. It was coming from the kitchen. I ran to it, hoping it was dad trying to cook dinner again. I stopped at the door and peeked in. My heart started racing, and a ragged breath escaped. There was someone I didn’t recognize in my kitchen, standing by the stove as though he were inspecting the interior design. The man in my kitchen turned around and faced me. It was not my father; he was nowhere to be seen. I did not know who this unidentified man was. He had a red goatee, with dirty blonde dread locks, and his lip was pierced with a silver ring. Also, he was wearing this torn red and purple tie dye t-shirt, with baggy black jeans with holes in each knee, and a pair of what looked to be brand new white shoes. There wasn’t a spot of dirt on them.
He just glared at me, waiting for me to say the first word. Not knowing what to say, I stayed silent, hoping he would break the ice. The way he looked at me, it was as though he didn’t have to say a word, his big dark eyes spoke for him. They spoke of no-good intentions; they seemed almost, evil.
He was getting ready to pull something out his back pocket. Nerves overcame me, and I suddenly felt nauseated. I could feel my body shaking…how was this day going to end? First my school gets blown into a million tiny pieces, and now a strange man is in my house doing God knows what! I close my eyes, afraid of what was coming next. I took three deep breaths, in through my nose and out of my mouth. Trying to calm myself down before the next series of unfortunate events come my way.
Then I hear, “Are you Selena Farve?”
I swear at that moment right there, my heart stopped beating all together. How did he know my name? I took a deep breath and slowly, and silently…I nodded my head, saying “yes”. I opened my eyes to discover an enormous smile upon the stranger’s face. I tried talking, but I just couldn’t. The words just wouldn’t come out, they were stuck in my throat.
“Selena, I’m not here to hurt you. I need you to come with me. Please.” He reached out his hand, as if I were actually going to just take it and leave with him. He must be senile.
I didn’t know what to think at this point. He needed me to go with him? What could that have meant? Why did he need me specifically?
He rapidly took a step forward, close enough to me that I could smell alcohol on his breath. He has definitely been drinking today…a little too much.
“I said, I need you. Do you understand?”
I bowed my head, and slightly shook it. I do understand. I understand that I have no control over the events occurring today, and honestly, I’m tired of fighting it. I heard him sigh and get ready to talk again. He cleared his throat and began speaking.
“Listen kid, my boss needs me to take you with me to his office. Okay? Just get in my car, and we can go. Don’t make this more difficult than it needs to be.”
My jaw dropped wide open. What the hell was he talking about? He “needs” me because his boss told him to? I took a step back and finally forced a word out.
“No.” It was a firm, definite, no.
The look on his face was pure disappointment. He rushed towards me, grabbed me, threw me over his shoulder, then ran out the door, leaving it wide open. I began to kick my legs and arms, hoping to hit him in the face or eyes.
“Stop! Stop, let me go!” I screamed at him. Nothing was going to make him stop. He finally set me down on the grass in my front yard. I stopped screaming, there was absolutely no way out of this. He was bigger than me and no matter where I went, he would find me again. No matter which way I went to run, he would track me down.
He then opened his trunk, and gave me a head nod, basically telling me to get in. I did what I was told. The floor of his car was covered in this reddish liquid. I could feel it seeping through my new pants, the ones I had just gotten for my birthday. This was obviously going to leave a stain.
I was so scared; I didn’t think I was gonna make it out alive. My hands clenched my thighs, and I closed my eyes. I pictured myself in a whole new world. Away from all of this, away from school, family, and friends…a place that’s just mine. I started picturing myself stepping out into this undiscovered exotic land, a place no human has ever seen. A place where there was no such thing as evil, no such thing as hate. There were mountains that looked as if they reached the moon and rivers that went as far as the eye could see. The sky was ocean blue, with a hint of gold from the sun. And all the animals got along with one another as if family. I saw deer and rabbits, sharing the same patch of grass. I saw lions and tigers, helping other small creatures catch something to eat. It was so peaceful…so pure.
Soon, I had fallen into a profound sleep. I imagined the world in my perspective. It felt as if I was asleep for hours. But soon, I woke to the sudden sound of a door being slammed shut. My vision was blurred, I could barely see what was going on around me. A shadow was coming towards me now. I placed my hands over my face for protection but felt myself being elevated up into the air. I blinked a few times, trying to get the sleep out of my eyes. My head was dangling down, my hair almost touching the ground; my arms doing the same. I sensed my fingers on something that resembled denim, and it was cold.
I then felt my body unwind on a hard, cold surface. I wiped my eyes and could finally see clearly. My stomach still felt nauseous, like I had just gotten off a roller coaster. I started to look around me; it looked like I was in a bathroom. It wasn’t a new bathroom either. It looked like it hadn’t been used in years. The mirrors were all scratched up, barley even visible. The dull white sinks had parts falling off, right onto the floor in piles, must have been from all the rust. I couldn’t tell what the toilets looked like, but from what I could see, all of the stall doors were falling off the hinges. Some stalls didn’t even have doors.
I tried getting up from the floor, but my body felt so weak. I felt myself getting dizzier and dizzier by the second. I closed my eyes once again, but this time, it was unwanted. I could not fall asleep, not now, not when all of this was happening. I needed to stay awake. I forced myself to open my eyes, using my fingers to keep them open. What I saw, I could not believe. The man who had driven me here was standing over me, with a circle of chains around his arm. He knelt beside me and grabbed my arm with so much force that I felt a bruise immediately appear. Then, he pushed me against a wall. Pain shot through me as my head hurtled against the wall. He chained my arm to a small hook above me, right above my head. It looked rusted too, but secure enough that I don’t think I would be able to yank myself free. He then did the same to my other hand. Then he left. He left me all alone here, dizzy and tied to a wall. I bowed my head and started crying. I was once again left utterly alone.
CHAPTER 4
I couldn’t comprehend the feeling of dizziness throughout my body. What had he done to me? I shouldn’t have fallen asleep in that car. I shouldn’t be falling asleep right now. I needed to get out. I needed to find out where I was. I needed a window or something, a phone on a wall to call 911. Even if I didn’t reach anyone, they would trace the call, right? I once called 911 when I was a kid and then hung up, not even an hour later a cop showed up at my door and told my mother he received a call from this address. So, I am sure they would do it again, especially if they heard that there was someone on the other end.
I turned my head toward the chains and saw that the chain had a clasp like a necklace. All I needed to do was detach it and I could get out of here. I tried reaching it. I was centimeters away from the clasp, but my wrist was too close to the chain, my fingers couldn’t reach it. I tried the next best thing, my teeth. I brought my head closer to the chain; my teeth were the perfect length from the chain. The sounds of metal made me cringe. My teeth scraped against the chain as I tried to pull it open. It was like nails on a chalkboard. I almost couldn’t handle it, but then I noticed that the clasp had started to open slowly. The chain started to unfasten. I scraped my tooth on it one more time, in hopes that it would detach completely.
And of course, at that very moment, the creak of the door startled me. The strange man was standing in the doorway.
“Trying to get out I see?” he said as he walked closer to me. He had that same evil in his eyes, but this time it didn’t look like his anger was directed at me.
I looked him in the eyes and said, “Please let me go.”
He bowed down and buried his head in his hands.
“I’m sorry,” he started to say; “I don’t want to hurt you.” he looked up at me with regret. I think he meant it.
I took a deep breath and then exclaimed, “Then why are you doing this?”
I don’t think he knew how to answer that; he was silent. He didn’t say a word. He just looked at me and shook his head. I started to think there was a reason he could not talk to me. A reason he couldn’t help me. Maybe he was being held captive here too.
I looked at my wrist; the chains were pinching my skin, I started to move my wrist around in a circle, trying to loosen them just enough so that they were not pinching me so hard.
“Owe!” I yelled as I glared at him. The sharp pain in my wrists was unbearable; I had to bite my lip to soothe the pain.
His eyes were closed now. He looked sort of innocent when he wasn’t moving or talking. I looked him up and down, trying to find something to use on these chains. He didn’t seem mean. He seemed like a nice guy trying to be mean. He seemed like a guy who was doing somebody’s dirty work.
I glanced over at the chain once again; it was just too far away to reach. There’s no way out…I’m trapped in here forever. Just like this guy. At least he isn’t chained up. I clenched my fists and started to cry “What did I do to deserve this?” I sobbed softly.
Then in a silent, somewhat far away voice, I heard the word “Everything”.
I looked up; nobody was there. The strange man had vanished, leaving me all alone once again. Eyes closed, I started to dream again, or at least I tried. I imagined bright green grass, a half-rusted swing set that still seemed to work…sitting by a huge gray rock with my name on it…it was written in yellow and red paint. It was my house. It felt as though it had been forever since I have been home. Since I have sat in my back yard on the grass and watched the clouds go by.
I just wished I could go back. I wished that I had never moved, never gone to a new school, and especially never ended up in this horrid place. It all happened to fast; I couldn’t grasp all of it. It was just too much for me to handle. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe I deserve this.
A shadow creeped up in the doorway, it was a tall figure with a hood on, wearing all black. They stood there for a moment, then started walking toward me.
“I’ve been waiting to talk to you. I’ve heard great things, magnificent things, I’ve been told by many people that you are the person for the job. Sorry to have you tied up, I’ve also heard the things you have done, I had to make sure you were sedated enough before we unchained you. You know how it is.” The shadow man unchains me, and I hear them fall to the ground, my wrists were raw and bleeding.
“I’m sorry, I don’t understand. What have I done? Who told you about me? What job?”
“I assume you knew. I assume you have heard of me. We have mutual friends in the business. I have an assignment for you. A bit bigger than your normal assignments, but with your expertise, it will be a piece of cake.” He placed a large binder filled with folders and pages of numbers and names, addresses and stores with lists of items with their prices. Did he want me to do his shopping? Who does he think I am?
“I think I need a bit further explanation.”
The man chuckled. “They said you were out of the business, but I didn’t think it was for so long that you forgot how to do your actual job. Find the people, take care of the people. The supplies listed are just for reference, based on the locations the clients are at. Easy enough. We’ve got a vault with some recourses in it already, I can show it to you, and you can grab what you need. When was the last time you took the serum?”
I thought I was confused before, I started to think back on what that strange man told me earlier to try and make sense of this. He told me his boss needed me, he told me that he had to take me to him. This must be his boss, and this must be why he needs me. The thing I don’t understand is that he thinks I’m a different person. Do I have a twin? A twin with the same name as me? Thoughts circled around my head, my eyes closed, and I tried to go through every event that happened today. Any event that happened yesterday. Anything strange that could explain why this person thinks I am the person for this job. Serum? He talked about a serum. I looked up and noticed his eyes for the first time, they were bright green. How odd, the strange man’s eyes were green as well. Too green to be natural. I decided to go with it, like I went with the rest of the day. What is the worst that can happen?
“Selena? I asked you a question.”
“Um, it’s been a while. I’m probably due for another dose.” I grabbed the binder and stood up. The shadow man started to head out of the room, so I followed. We walked past closed doors and open doors with nothing inside the rooms. We walked past a locker room and past an office, this looks like it was a school. Before we entered the room at the end of the hallway, I noticed the room across the hall, the door was open, and the inside looked like there was a fire inside of it. It was all black with charcoal on the floor, parts of the wall and ceiling were burnt away, giving a glimpse of the sun on the other side.
“Come on in.” He opened a small refrigerator under the desk and handed me a small vial, filled with this bright green liquid. I guess this would explain the bright green eyes. I opened the vile and chugged the serum. I didn’t feel anything at first, except a small tingle in my throat. it left a residue like a chalky pill would on my tongue.
“Well, you can go ahead and do that assignment now.” He sits down at his desk, opens his laptop, and resumed whatever work he was doing.
I guess I should go look for these people, whoever they are. I wish there was an instruction manual on what I’m doing with these so called “clients”. Why do I need this list of items? What was in that vault the shadow man was talking about? Do I look for it myself? Should I ask him to show it to me? Should I tell him he has the wrong person? Maybe it’s a bit too late for that, but I feel so weird. Whatever, I’ll just leave.
I head down the hallway, trying to follow the exit signs to get out of here. Passing by closed rooms, I started to get this strange feeling of déjà vu. I stopped by one of the rooms, the door was open just a crack. Out of curiosity, I pushed the door open and saw a classroom. The desks and chairs were aligned perfectly, like this was the only room in this abandoned school that still held classes. The desk had a mug on it, with a pile of folders. Maybe they held meetings in here or something. Then I noticed the chalkboard. My jaw dropped and I walked up closer, touching the chalkboard with my fingers. It said History 101 with the teachers name under it, Miss Dilitrix. She was my teacher in 12th grade. It was the second class I had every day, and certainly my favorite. Next to her name was a quote, “Don’t let today fool you, remember yesterday like it was tomorrow.”
Nothing she ever wrote down made any sense, but if a student could create meaning out of it and explain it as though it did make sense, they would get a gift card for any store they want. I never got one, but I never really tried. This one seemed more difficult than others, but why was it here? Why was this classroom here at all? My old school was nowhere near where I moved. It must have taken an entire day to get to our new home, I remember the long drive and the countless stops at gas stations for snacks. Did the strange man drive me that far? Was I asleep for almost an entire day?
I ran over to the window to see what was outside, and just like I thought, it was an empty parking lot. An empty school parking lot. My head began to ache just trying to wrap my head around this entire day. In the distance, I heard footsteps coming my way. It was probably the shadow man, coming to find me and ask me why I didn’t leave yet. I peek out of the room into the hallway, but I don’t see anybody in the hallway. As a matter of fact, the entire hallway looked completely different now. It looked cleaner and less abandoned. The paint on the walls looked almost new and the lockers were repaired. Right across from the classroom was a locker, my old locker. Locker number 400, it was next to my best friends. Well, my ex best friend. I am sure we would still be best friends if it weren’t for everything that happened that year.
My head started to ache again, and my vison become blurry, I suddenly felt faint and fell to the ground. Through my blurry vison, I see the numbers 209 on the door across from me. It was the classroom number. But…209 was the room number for my first college class. Come to think of it, 209 was the room number of my history class back in high school. How can that be a coincidence? I tried to stand up, to head to the classroom once again, maybe find a seat and just rest for a moment.
Maybe this weird serum is making me dizzy again, obviously I shouldn’t have taken some mysterious substance without asking any questions first. I think I left my common sense at home today.
I start crawling across the hall and into classroom 209, pulling myself up and into the first chair closest to the door. I try to gather my thoughts while I wait for my eyes to re-adjust to this strange reality that is now my life. I see the chalkboard again; the quote, the teachers name, some leftover chalk from the last class, and above the chalkboard was a clock. Looks like it is noon time, of course I will be missing lunch again.
I immediately realized how hungry I was, I should find some food. Maybe this is why I am so dizzy. Wow, it kind of feels like I haven’t eaten in days. I hold onto my stomach and hear it growl so loud that it takes over all my other senses. It curls in with pain and I get hunger cramps immediately. I lay my head down on the desk and picture a juicy cheeseburger with a pickle on the side of it. Extra mayonnaise, obviously.
I need to get out of here. I’m confused, hungry, and I just want to go back home. I want to find my parents. I want to talk to them about how strange my first day of college was. I wanted to tell them about this man coming into their house and ask them if they knew anything about it. I wanted to tell them everything, and honestly, I kind of just wanted a hug.
Without even thinking about it, I run out of the classroom and start heading down the hallway. I pass room after room, just trying to find an exit. I just want to go home. I passed this one room with a black, burned door; the handle was missing and the glass from the window was shattered. I swear on my life, there was a person standing on the other side of the room, just looking out of the window and into the parking lot. I stop running for just a moment, just to ease my curiosity and see who else might be here. I step closer to the burned door and look in through the broken window; there was a woman standing there, turned toward me and stared at me with wide, glossy eyes.
Her cheeks were red, and her hair was as black as the charcoal on the door. My eyes shot down to her feet, she was barefoot. There was smut and small cuts on her feet and ankles, the bottom of her dress burned and torn. When I made eye contact, the tears pooled in her eyes and she looked like she wanted to speak to me, but her mouth did not open. I get this weird feeling, like I have met her before. Maybe in a dream, maybe I just passed her while walking somewhere at some point in my life. But I get this feeling of Deja-vu when I look at her. She looks so distressed.
What did she go through? Why is she here? Her face looked up and I noticed a tear peacefully glide down her face, and onto her chest. Her expression did not change, she was so still. The closer I got to her, the wider her eyes got. However, she did not move. She just stood there, crying silently, as if paralyzed but feeling every ounce of her pain anyway.
“I’m sorry, I’ll go, I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.” I quietly said, as I took a few steps back into the hallway. The woman said nothing, just stood there staring.
A gust of wind flew my hair forward, covering my face, preventing me from seeing anything around me. When the wind stopped, I noticed that the women was now gone. Running to the window to see if she had jumped, I realized that the window was unable to open; it looks burnt shut. The entire windowsill had turned to charcoal, pieces of it falling off and onto the floor.
I twirled around, feeling a chill run up my spine that gave my entire body goosebumps. The entire room had transformed. The desks that once were aligned and all set up for class, were now burnt to a crisp and had fell to the ground. Desks were missing legs and had fallen over, laying sideways on the floor. Pieces of the ceiling were entirely missing, leaving piles of debris on the floor beneath them. It was as though time had pressed fast forward. Backing out of the room slowly, I hit the burnt, falling apart door. I went to reach for the handle, but as my hand went to grab it, instead, it went almost through the hole from where the doorknob would have been. I forgot that it had burned and fallen off, all that was left was a hole, filled with bits and pieces of burnt wood sticking it out of it.
Pain resonated throughout my entire hand, when looking down to see what it was, blood pooled in my hand and dripped down my arm. I must have cut it on the wood of the door that was sticking out of it. My heart started racing once again, I started wondering if I was seeing things again. Things that are not really there. Usually when I see people, they show up in the form of shadows, usually they speak to me. Usually, I know why there are here and what they want. But this woman seemed different, she seemed almost…haunted.
I decided to continue walking, mind racing and no longer wanting to pay attention to another detail of this dusty, burnt up building. I reach the gyms giant double doors and push them open. I see the exit sign on the other side of the room. I run so fast that I practically trip over my shoelaces, they must have come untied as I was running. I didn’t even care, I just kept going.
Finally, I open two huge double doors and make my way across the parking lot. On the side of the school was this singular yellow school bus. It certainly looks old, like one of the school buses from a decade ago. It also looks really burned, like the engine blew up and they never bothered to repair it. The entire front of the bus was just covered with burn marks where the engine used to be, and the windows were broken and caved in.
There were no other cars in the parking lot, and the road was so far from the parking lot, it looked like the school was on its own private land, far away from society. Certainly not where a school was supposed to be, maybe that is why it is shut down and nobody goes here anymore. They use this place for weird and sketchy “secret assignments” that are due immediately with no preparation time.
It reminds me of this movie I used to watch when I was a child. It was about this small private school, where there were only about 30 students per grade. It was a middle/high school campus, so about ages 11-18; 19 sometimes, if you count the students who failed out senior year and had to repeat it. It was always that student who thought he was too cool to study, the student who called intelligent people nerds and geeks, like being smart and going somewhere in life is what a loser is. Clearly, he didn’t learn anything, or else he would realize how ignorant that sounded. And stupid, honestly.
The school was down this long road, off a back road that only had like 3 houses on it. Each house had about 5 people living in it, all the teachers who taught at this private school. It was basically a bunch of rich kids who needed intense supervision so they can succeed in school and not get distracted by parties or drugs.
But since this school was so far away from society, meaning nobody could get there without traveling down 5 roads in the middle of nowhere, including 2 long and windy dirt roads…people tended to hang out in the woods and cause ruckus. Nobody could do anything about it once the teachers went home, so the students would come back at nighttime and have fires and go camping in the fields behind the school. There was this one tree that I had always loved, it was a tall weeping willow, and the hanging branches created just enough shade for the students to sit under and read or study throughout the day.
I realized just then, that in order to get out of this place, I would need to get to the road…
I guess I have a long walk ahead of me. I just hope I can follow enough sings on the road to find my way back to my house. I grabbed my hand; it was still bleeding. I should probably cover this with something, but there is no way I am going back into that building. It looks haunted, and honestly, like it will be falling apart any second.
I ripped the bottom of my black V-neck shirt and wrapped it around my hand, hoping it would be good enough until I get home and can use my first aid kit. Then, I started walking.
It felt like an entire day went by before I could see my house in the distance, I was exhausted, and the sun was starting to go down. I passed town signs that looked like they’ve been hit by a car or a huge truck, they were fallen to the ground and weeds were growing over them. I saw streetlights that were broken and covered with what looked like a black trash bag and duct tape, yet no cars at the intersection. Maybe this road is blocked off for some reason? I walked for about an hour before I need to take a break, I felt so tired and drained. My body needed hydration and some sort of food. I would settle for trash can food right now, people throw away half of their food all the time. I could eat anything right now.
It was so quiet on this road, as soon as I got past the creepy, long dirt road that led to the school, pavement began, and the road looked quite normal. Disregarding the fact that not a single person was on it. Would be tremendous if an ambulance just happened to be driving this way, the wound on my hand is still bleeding, so much that it is seeping through the shirt I was using as a band aid.
I must have not been very far from the school, because my town sign was only one town over from where I started. I swear the car right to get here was much longer than that, it felt like an entire day. It wasn’t even noon when that strange man locked me in the truck of his car, but it was nighttime when we arrived. Not even going to bother wondering how that’s possible. Maybe my sleep was so deep that I just lost track of time. My brain hurts.
There were no cars in the driveway, still. My parents should have been home from work by now, maybe they had a late day. Maybe they stopped at a grocery store to get food, we were out of pretty much anything essential anyway. I just really, really wanted a hug right now.
I made my way down the driveway and opened the door, which was unlocked. Go figure. I thought that today couldn’t get any stranger, but when I opened my door, nothing was there. It was just white. Like I could walk for miles and the world would just be blank. My headache came back, and so did the dizziness. I fell to the ground, right there in the doorway. I felt the pain of my skull hitting the stone ground in front of my house, and everything went black.
CHAPTER 5
My eyes peered open to see an all-white room with bright lights right above me. I use my hands to cover the light and try and sit up. I feel restricted, like there is something stopping me from moving. I start tossing and turning, trying to break free. Then, a hand grabs my arm and holds me down. This just made me want to fight harder, to try and run away.
“Selena, calm down. It’s me. Selena, please stop. It will be okay.”
The voice was so familiar, it was a woman, she sounded young and really sweet. She was so soft spoken.
“Selena, hunny, can you hear me?” she spoke again, this time I wanted to respond.
“I can hear you.” My voice felt raspy, like it hasn’t spoken a word in days and forgot how to do so.
“Oh, thank god, you have been in and out of sleep for hours. Are you okay? Do you remember what happened?”
“What happened? What do you mean? Where am I?” I manage to open my eyes and make out who was speaking to me; it was my mother. I look around the room, I was in the hospital. Sitting in a hospital bed, in a hospital gown, with one parent on each side of me.
“I remember falling down, right before I was about to go into the house. Except, everything was really bright, and all white. Like nothing was there. Where were you?” I didn’t even know how to explain everything that I went through today. I just wanted to know how I got here.
“Selena, you didn’t pass out at home. You passed out in class; do you remember that?” My mother sat down next to me and held my hand.
“I passed out in school? Wait, no, that’s not right. I left school. There was a bomb, and it exploded, and I ran away and when I got home, nobody was home. Where were you?”
My father looked concerned, he said to me “Selena, hunny, I think you’re confused. We moved, remember? We moved to a new town; you are going to a new college. A whole new school. Your okay, nothing exploded. Your college is fine. You are fine.”
“But I was there. The lights turned off during my first class, everybody was gone. There were no students, no teachers, nothing. It went silent and I was all alone. All of the clocks were broken, they were all stuck at 12 O’clock even through my class started hours before that” I felt tears fall down my face and down my neck, hair sticking to my face instantly. What are they talking about? My college is fine?
“The lights went off? Do you think that is when she fainted?” My mother looks at my father, trying to make sense out of everything crazy that was coming out of my mouth. My father looked back at her, not sure what to say.
“I think she’s confusing schools. Selena, you fainted during your first class at college. I think that is why it seemed like the lights went out. But your college did not explode, there was no bomb, no explosion, it is still standing with all the students inside of it. I think while you were asleep, you were remembering what happened at your old high school.” My mother explained this to me, and I didn’t believe it, but it kind of started to make sense the more I thought about it. My old high school, before we moved, there was an explosion. A janitor planted a bomb at school. I was the one who found him.
“My old high school. The explosion. Wait, so, my college is okay? The explosion today was a dream? After I fainted? Or, wait, was it a memory?”
“Yes, it was just a memory. You went to school, you fainted during first period. When you didn’t wake up after a couple of minutes, they called 911 and then called us. You’ve been here all day. You woke up earlier, you were screaming about a man with green eyes. You were telling him to stop, and screaming for help. You mumbled something about the green eyes again, but it was so silent, the rest of the sentence were just mumbles. After you fell back asleep, you didn’t wake up until about an hour ago. This is the first time you’ve spoken to us consciously. We were so worried about you, Selena.” My mother puts her hand on my face and moves my hair behind my ear, unsticking it from the tears on my face.
I thought I knew what happened to me today. I thought I understood what happened and in what order, but if my college didn’t explode, where was I? When did I go home? Did I walk home? Did I never leave the school? I remembered being kidnapped, but if I never left school, that man was never in my kitchen. My mind filled with thoughts, some memories and some dreams. They all mixed together, and I didn’t know what was what.
Green eyes. Why was I screaming about green eyes? Where have I seen green eyes? That shadow man, the shadow man who offered me that weird green serum. He had green eyes. So did that strange man in my kitchen. Maybe that is why I was screaming, I wanted to get away from them.
“Mom? I can’t remember. I can’t remember what happened today. I thought I knew, but now I feel like I don’t know anything anymore. I went to school, got a tour from this real-life dream that watched me embarrass myself on the first day of school, then I sat down in class, and then the lights went out. When I opened my eyes, the clock said 12pm. That was hours after my first class started, but I don’t remember falling asleep or fainting. How did that much time go by?”
“The clock said 12 O’clock? Are you sure? The teacher called us around 10, telling us you fainted. Didn’t your class only start a few minutes before that?” She looked just as confused as me, then her facial expression changed. “Selena, the high school explosion was at noon. It was set for 12 O’clock exactly. The explosion happened while you were in your second class, History 101. I think it was room number 209, right? You loved that class. I think that was a memory you had while you were dreaming, after you fainted during class.”
Oh my god. 12 O’clock. Room 209. Flashbacks completely filled my mind, taking over any other thought that I had at that very moment.
I found a bomb in high school, after using the bathroom down the hall. I found a bomb in the janitor’s closet, I heard the ticking. Just like I heard the ticking at my college. Just like where I found the bomb, they were both in the janitors closet. I can’t even believe this, has this day been nothing but a dream? What about the man with the green eyes?
“Mom, you said I was screaming about a man with green eyes. If this was all a dream, then, in my dream, I was kidnapped by a man with bright green eyes.”
“The janitor. His name was Terry, he had green eyes. You had to ID him at the police station, do you remember doing that?” My dad stood up and walked over to my mother, placing his hand on her shoulder.
Terry. Green eyes. The man didn’t kidnap me, I must have made him up in memory of the janitor who blew up my high school. Oh my god, Terry. T. The person I met in college, they said their name was T. How could I have dreamt that if that happened before I fainted? But what about the resemblance, the brown eyes and the voice that pulled you in with their every word? I don’t ever remember the janitor being so…alluring and attractive.
A doctor walked in and interrupted what felt like a life changing conversation. When he pushed aside the thin blue lining that was acting as a divider between patients, my heartbeat literally just stopped all together. They had these brown eyes that you could sink into and get lost forever. Their hair soft and silky, just hanging over one of their eyes. They introduced themselves, “Hello Selena, glad to see you are awake. You look like you’re doing well, how are you feeling?”
Their voice sounded so familiar, like I had just heard it not to long ago. Raspy, but just enough to reel me in and keep me interested in the conversation.
“Selena, we are just going to run some more tests to figure out why it was you fainted. It could be the results from stress on your first day of college, but of course, we need to take into the account of the long-term side effects from your coma.” She quickly exited the room, while writing down something down in her clipboard.
“Mom, when did I get to school? I’m starting to think I am remembering everything wrong. I remember things that happened before the lights went out, well, before I fainted. But they also seem like a memory now.
“One of the students said that they saw you walk down the hallway, looking a bit lost. They are the one who found you. They said they tried talking to you, but you seemed extremely out of it, so they walked you to class. You kept mumbling words and numbers; they weren’t sure what you were tying to say. They looked at your schedule to see where they should bring you too. They said they had the same class as you and wanted to make sure you got there safely. Once you sat down, you almost immediately fainted. I don’t think you were in college for more than 10 minutes before you passed out. I think the memory of going back to school triggered some kind of episode, causing your brain to become overwhelmed and shut down. Kind of like what the explosion did, putting you into that coma. I think it has some lingering side effects, the nurse said it can happen occasionally until your brain heals. You’ll be okay sweetie, I promise.” My mother kisses my cheek and smiles at me. I feel better, but there are so many things that still don’t make sense. I need to put the pieces together. Too many things don’t add up and I can’t figure out which ones are memories and which ones were just psychedelic coma dreams. I felt my eyes fading, I can’t handle this pain my brain is giving me. I need to retrace my steps.
I woke up from such a weird dream, I looked like I did back in high school, and I looked almost evil. I kind of looked like that woman I saw earlier…in the burned down school…the women by the window. Long black hair, wide glossy eyes, looked like she got into a fight…torn up clothing. It was me. It was me from high school. Why was she covered in cuts and burns?
Unless it wasn’t just high school me. It was that day. It was the last day of school. The last memory I had before I woke up in a new town, in a hospital bed. Exactly like I did today.
Anyways, after I saw myself in the mirror, I fell back asleep. When I woke up, I looked like me again. I got on the bus to go to school, got off the bus, and walked to the main building. I met someone named T, but if T doesn’t even exist, maybe I met the person who walked me to class instead? They must have been good looking, but not enough for me to not catch their name. Or maybe it was someone else, somebody I met before and just can’t remember. I can’t remember anything clearly today. So, if I never left the school after the explosion, I never got kidnapped after.
The bathroom. Where I was held and chained up…it was the bathroom I ran too after seeing the bomb in hopes to hide, to try and save my life. It exploded and I passed out there, that is why it looked so old and damaged. I was remembering the explosion from the bathroom. The green serum, the green eyes, it was all just a memory of seeing my janitor next to the bomb.
I made this entire dream up. I can’t even believe it. All those months in my coma destroyed me, I will never be the same. I will forever get lost in my dreams and not know the difference from reality. It all felt so real, I felt the pain, the fear, the confusion. I felt every second of every situation that I was in. But none of it was real. My memories and my dreams became one, and I’ll never be able to tell the difference by myself. Was the women with the black hair me? What version of me? Was she really there? Was I imagining a memory?
I will only know what my parents have told me. I will only know what the doctors have told me. I can no longer depend on my own memory; my mind has been fractured and I am in a permanent state of cognitive distortions.
I laid my head back onto the pillow and just closed my eyes. Replaying the day over and over in my head. Pointing out every detail that made sense, and every detail that didn’t. Wondering what really happened, versus what I made up in my head. Which details were real, and which details were filler details that were pulled from my subconscious and imagination. I don’t know if I would rather sleep forever, or never go to sleep again.
I guess this is just my life now. A state of constant confusion. Maybe I deserve to live in an asylum, where seeing and hearing things that were not there didn’t matter, it was just normal.
Hopefully, this asylum has nobody there with neon green eyes.